동성애 탈북자 장영진씨 "북한 떠난 지 25년 만에 짝 찾아 결혼 계획"

임병선 입력 2021. 03. 21. 21:51 수정 2021. 03. 21. 21:56 

https://news.v.daum.net/v/20210321215106452

 

                                                            오환 사진작가영국 BBC 홈페이지 캡처

 

남으로 넘어온 북한이탈주민 가운데 유일하게 동성애자임을 커밍아웃한 장영진(63)씨가 탈북한 지 거의 25년 만에 사랑을 찾았다. 그는 21일 영국 BBC 인터뷰를 통해 미국인 남자친구와 올해 안에 결혼할 계획이라고 밝혔다.

장씨가 극적으로 탈북한 사연이나 남다른 성 정체성 때문에 귀순을 결심한 사연들은 국내에서도 널리 알려졌다. 그는 2015년 자서전 ‘붉은 넥타이’(영어 제목 A Mark of Red Honor)를 발간해 미국 일간 뉴욕 타임스(NYT) 등 해외 언론에도 소개됐다. 함경북도 청진에서 찢어지게 가난한 어린 시절을 보낸 그는 제법 교육받은 여성과 27세 때 결혼했다. 하지만 그는 첫날 밤에 “아내 몸에 손조차 대지 못했다”고 털어놓았다. 4년 뒤 왜 임신을 못하느냐고 형이 추궁하자 그는 솔직히 이성에 대한 유혹을 느끼지 못한다고 답했다. 형은 병원에 가보자고 했다.

숱하게 병원을 다녔지만 시원한 답을 듣지 못했다. 아예 동성애란 개념 자체가 북한 사회에 없었기 때문이었다. 김석향 이화여대 북한학과 교수는 “탈북자들에게 동성애에 대해 물어보면 곧바로 알아 듣지 못해 한 사람씩 붙잡고 따로 설명해야 했다”고 말했다. 탈북자들은 만약 그런 일을 하는 사람이 다른 이의 눈에 띄면 사회에서 축출되거나 처형당할 것이라고 입을 모은다는 것이다.

물론 병원 진단 결과 몸에는 아무런 이상이 없었다. 아내는 행복해하지 않았다. 해서 각자의 길을 걷는 것이 낫겠다고 생각해 이혼을 결심했지만 법원이 허가해주지 않았다. 국민대 북한학과의 박정원 교수는 워낙 북한이 가정을 소중히 여기며 집권 이데올로기를 해칠 위험이 있다고 판단할 때만 이혼이 허용된다고 말했다.

장씨는 북한을 떠나는 길이 유일한 해결책이라고 생각했다. 그러면 아내가 재혼할 길이 열린다고 믿었다. 고향 청진에서 어릴 적부터 친하게 지낸 선철이 어느날 놀러왔는데 감정이 애틋해짐을 느꼈다. “정말로 선철을 많이 좋아했다. 지금도 꿈 속에 나타나 만난다.” 하지만 선철이 자신의 마음을 몰라줘 낙담하기에 이르렀다.

결국 그는 1996년 북한을 떠나 중국에 갔다가 우리 당국이 노동자 출신이라며 받아주지 않자 다시 청진으로 돌아갔다가 이듬해 4월 지뢰밭 천지인 비무장지대(DMZ)를 통과해 귀순했다. 국가정보원은 북한이탈주민을 하나원에서 한두 달 교육시키고 사회에 내보내는 것과 달리 워낙 위험한 지대를 무사히 통과한 그를 5개월 동안 붙잡아놓았다. 왜 망명을 결심했느냐고 추궁하다 나중에는 의사 진찰을 받아보라는 조건을 붙여 정착해도 좋다고 했다. 남한이 조금 낫다고는 해도 북쪽과 정도의 차이가 있을 뿐이었다. 몇몇 의사는 정신과 상담을 받아보라고 했지만 그는 거부했다.

귀순한 지 13개월이 지난 1998년 봄에 자신의 인터뷰 기사가 실린 잡지를 펼쳤다가 한 동성애 남성의 커밍아웃 소식과 함께 두 남성이 침대에서 입을 맞추는 미국 영화가 있음을 알게 됐다. 그제야 자신의 성정체성을 깨닫는 순간이었다.

장씨는 이때부터 서울의 게이바를 드나들었다. 2004년 한 바 주인으로부터 항공사 승무원이란 남성을 소개받아 3개월 사귀다 사랑에 빠졌다. 그 남자는 함께 살려면 더 넓은 집을 구해야 한다며 돈을 요구했다. 해서 장씨는 전세금과 예금 등 전재산 9000만원을 건넸는데 다시는 그를 볼 수 없었다. 경찰서에 보름 동안 찾아갔더니 그만 포기하라고 했다.

장씨는 앓아 누워 한달을 병원에 입원했다. 공장 일자리도 잃고 홈리스 신세가 됐다. 그는 환경미화원으로 일하면서 다시 전셋집이라도 구하기 위해 허리띠를 졸라 맸다. 짬이 나면 자서전을 쓰기 시작했다.

 

장영진(오른쪽)씨가 북한 땅을 벗어난 지 거의 25년 만에 찾은 반쪽과의 행복한 시간. 두 사람은 장씨의 북한 결혼 기록이 정리되는 대로 올해 안에 결혼할 계획이라고 했다.장영진씨 제공영국 BBC 홈페이지 캡처

 

하지만 다시 데이트할 엄두는 쉽사리 생기지 않았다. 그렇게 해서 지난해에야 데이트 사이트를 통해 미국에서 한국 음식점을 운영하는 민수(가명)와 사귀기 시작했다. 4개월 뒤 북한 정권이 “늑대들 나라”라고 가르치는 나라에도 다녀왔다. 처음 본 민수는 반바지와 모자를 쓰고 나와 마음에 들지 않았다. 버릇없는 남자구나 싶었다. 하지만 “이 남자를 알아갈수록 그가 아주 좋은 사람인 것을 알 수 있었다. 나보다 여덟 살 아래지만 먼저 다른 사람을 챙기는 것을 좋아하는 그런 사람이었다.”

두 달 뒤 민수는 프러포즈를 결심했다. 장씨는 현재 북한에서의 첫 번째 결혼을 끝내는 서류 작업 중이다. 그 일이 완료되면 올해 안에 결혼할 계획이다. “난 혼자 살아오는 동안 늘 걱정 많고 슬퍼하며 외로워했다. 난 아주 내향적이며 감정이 예민한 사람인데 그는 낙천적이다. 해서 우리는 서로에게 좋은 반쪽이다.”

장씨는 새로 행복을 찾았지만 가족과 친척들에게 씻을 수 없는 역경을 안겼다. 친척 상당수가 오지로 추방됐다. 어머니와 네 형제자매 등 친척 6명이 기아와 질환으로 이미 세상을 떠났다. 죄책감을 달래는 길은 열심히 뭔가를 쓰는 일뿐이었다. 북한에 두고 온 아내가 재혼했다는 소식도 들었다. 늘 재주가 많다고 생각했던 그녀가 진정 행복해졌구나 느낀다고 했다. 그는 코로나 봉쇄가 풀리면 민수와 함께 드라이브를 해 워싱턴 DC의 게이바 거리를 찾아 여기저기 함께 둘러보는 것이 소원이라고 했다.

임병선 평화연구소 사무국장 bsnim@seoul.co.kr

 

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남한에서 게이의정체성을 부정하며, 스트레이트인척 사는사람들이 많은데, 북한체제하에서 정보가 없어서 알지못하던 자신의 성정체성으로 인해 탈북을 하게되었다니 대단하신분이내요. 정보가 없어도 태생적으로 태어난 동성애자의 성향은 감출수있는것이 아니라는 사실...남한의 새로운체제에서 새로 시작하는삶도 쉽지는 않았을텐데..많은 어려움을 극복해가며, 사랑을 찾은 장영진씨께 축하드리고 싶습니다.

이제 미국 워싱턴디씨에서 생활을 하실것같은데, 새로운 인생을 행복하게 잘 펼쳐가시기를....

 

남한의 대통령과 정치인들이 동성결혼을 합법화하는데 게을러 터지지 말고, 힘을 팍팍 쏟아주세요. 국민의 타고난 권리를 보장하는데 힘을 쏟아서 동성애자들도 행복한 인생을 살아가도록 축복해 주십시요. 

 

탈북자를 도와주는척하면서 사기치는 나쁜놈들, 게이들 등쳐먹고 살면서 뻔뻔스럽게 잘난척하는 나쁜놈들...( 이런놈들 게이바주인은 다 알면서도 술팔려고 밀어녛어주는 한통속의 나쁜녀석들... ) 스스로 주의하면서 사람을 만나는수 밖에.... 만난지 몇번도 않되었는데, 돈이야기 하는놈들, 대부분 전형적인 사기치는놈들입니다. 

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https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-56323825?fbclid=IwAR0hi1rN_-Ew-f3Hi2YFrb3keDz2WGjuwBwFJmyz5M_gF3ak5vn2ECNJm1U

North Korea’s ‘only openly gay defector’ finds love

By Julie Yoonnyung Lee
BBC Korean

Jang Yeong-jin had never found women attractive. But it wasn't until his wedding night, aged 27, that this made his life difficult.

Jang felt intensely uncomfortable. "I couldn't lay a finger on my wife," he recalls. Although the couple did eventually consummate their marriage, sex was rare. Four years later - his wife still not pregnant - one of Jang's brothers began to quiz him. Jang admitted he had never been aroused by the opposite sex, and his brother promptly sent him to a doctor.

"I went to so many hospitals in North Korea because we thought that I had some sort of physical problem."

It never occurred to Jang, or his family, that there could be another reason for his lack of interest.

Medical tests

"There is no concept of homosexuality in North Korea," he says. If someone is seen running to greet another same sex friend, it's assumed that's just because they have such a close friendship. In fact adults of the same sex often hold hands in the street, he says. "North Korea is a totalitarian society - we have lots of communal life so it's normal for us."

Jang now thinks his experience of being misunderstood was by no means unique.

At one point, Jang was admitted to hospital for a month of tests and got to know some of the other patients. "I figured out many of them had a similar experience to me - people who could not feel anything towards women."

But articulating, or exploring, what it was they did feel, was likely to have been impossible without a frame of reference.

"In North Korea, if a man says he doesn't like a woman, people [just] think he's unwell."

One man Jang had served with in the military visited him several times after they were discharged. He confided that his wedding night, too, had been a disaster - he couldn't bring himself to even hold his wife's hand.

"I think he was also someone like me," reflects Jang.

Park Jeong-Won, a law professor at Seoul's Kookmin University, says that he is not aware of any explicit North Korean law against gay and lesbian relationships. But he adds that the state's laws against extramarital relations and breaching social mores would probably be co-opted into prosecuting any gay sexual act.

IMAGE COPYRIGHTOH HWAN

 

Another academic in Seoul, Kim Seok-hyang, has interviewed dozens of defectors on the subject, and says not one of them had even heard of the concept.

"When I asked them about homosexuality, they didn't catch on quickly so I had to explain it to every single person," Kim, professor of North Korean Studies at Ewha Women's University, says.

The defectors all told her they were certain that anyone found exploring same-sex relationships would be ostracised at the very least, possibly even executed.

Jang was released from hospital with a clean bill of health - all the medical tests set in motion by his brother's intervention showed there was nothing physically wrong.

But his wife remained extremely unhappy.

"I thought: 'I should let this person go. We should find a way to be happy for each other,''' Jang says.

So Jang filed for divorce. But this process is not straightforward in North Korea. Permission needs to be granted by the courts, and they prioritise the family unit, says law professor Park Jeong-Won. They will only authorise a split if the union is seen to threaten the country's ideology, he says.

Jang began to realise he had only one option left - to leave North Korea altogether. This would automatically void their union and allow his wife to remarry.

But the final catalyst for his defection was a visit from Jang's best friend, a man called Seoncheol. They had grown up together in their northern hometown of Chongjin. The two had always been close, sharing a bed on boyhood sleepovers. But as they had got older, Jang's feelings for Seoncheol had intensified.

"I really liked Seoncheol so much. I still see him in my dreams."

From time to time Seoncheol would come to dinner, and on one particular evening Jang, concerned that it had got late, persuaded Seoncheol to stay over. A few hours later, Jang found himself creeping out of his own bed and in beside Seoncheol. He was devastated when his sleeping friend didn't so much as stir.

"I don't know what I wanted from him exactly - maybe I just wanted him to hug me tight," says Jang.

But the moment crystallised his feeling that his life in North Korea had come to an end.

Jang arrived in South Korea in April 1997 by crawling across the mine-strewn de-militarized zone (DMZ) that divides the two nations, after his initial route left him stranded in China. Crossing the DMZ is so risky and rare that his escape made headlines in the South.

IMAGE COPYRIGHTGETTY IMAGES

image captionJang escaped across the heavily fortified DMZ

The atmosphere in Seoul was a world away from the isolationist North, but even here he baffled officials. Every defector who arrives from the North undergoes several weeks of compulsory grilling by the South Korean national intelligence service (NIS) - to check they are not spying for the North. But Jang was questioned for more than five months, having initially baulked at explaining the real reason why he defected. When he finally admitted he was simply not attracted to his wife, he was allowed to stay - but once again was sent to a doctor.

"The [NIS] official told me that there should be a reason to dislike women."

Even in the South at that time, there was little public awareness of different sexual orientations. A few doctors recommended he seek psychological help - advice he ignored.

And then in the spring of 1998, 13 months after he first arrived in South Korea, Jang opened a magazine to read the write-up of an interview he had given about his defection across the DMZ. He turned the page to discover an article about gay men coming out, with a scene from an American film showing two men kissing in bed.

IMAGE COPYRIGHTCHOSUN-ILBO

image captionJang's risky defection route made headlines in the South

Finally it dawned on Jang that he, too, was gay.

"When I saw that, I knew right away that I was this kind of person. That's why I couldn't like women."

The revelation transformed Jang's life, and he became a regular at Seoul's gay bars.

But a few years later, this new world exposed Jang to devastating fraud. In 2004, the owner of Jang's favourite bar introduced him to a local air steward. They dated for three months and Jang fell in love. The air steward urged Jang to move in, but explained that as he lived with his stepfather they would first need to buy a bigger home. Jang moved out of his own rental and gave him all 90m won ($81,669) of his hard-won savings and all his belongings.

Jang never saw the man again. He went to the police station every day for 15 days until the police told him he should give up.

Jang says it never occurred to him that he could be cheated in this way.

"In North Korea, we live a very controlled life, so if I said I was duped by someone, the party would track him down and punish him hard."

Jang fell ill and had to be hospitalised for a month, which he now thinks was triggered by stress. This meant he lost his job in a factory and was now penniless, homeless and unemployed, in a social climate which has proved a tough welcome for North Koreans.

As he slowly rebuilt his life, taking a job as a cleaner and painstakingly saving enough money to rent a new home, he began to spend his free time writing.

As a boy, he had once won first place in a writing contest, but it had been a requirement that students only wrote in praise of the North Korean regime. Now, finally, Jang could write whatever he wanted. His autobiography A Mark of Red Honor was published in 2015.

But it took a long time for Jang to risk dating again. And then last year, at the age of 62, Jang met Korean-American restaurant owner Min-su on a dating site. Just four months later, he was on his way to the nation he once knew only as "the country of wolves" - Pyongyang's derogatory term for the US.

But when Jang saw Min-su waiting for him in the arrivals hall, his heart sank. Min-su was in shorts and cap, and Jang was not impressed.

"Seeing how he dressed, I assumed he was an ill-mannered and blunt man," Jang says.

IMAGE COPYRIGHTJANG YEONG-JIN

The coronavirus lockdown gave the pair the space to get to know each other properly, with picnics and wine drinking.

"The more I got to know this man, the more I could see that he had a very good character. Although he is eight years younger than me, he is the kind of person who likes to care for others first."

After about two months Min-su decided to propose.

Jang is now in the process of finalising documents to prove his first marriage in North Korea is over, and they hope to marry later this year.

"I always felt fearful, sad and lonely when I lived alone. I am a very introverted and sensitive person, but he is an optimistic man, so we are good for each other," he says.

IMAGE COPYRIGHTJANG YEONG-JIN

image captionJang and his fiance

But despite his new-found happiness, Jang remains haunted by the impact his defection had on his family. Several of his relatives were banished to a remote village in the freezing north, a brutally familiar fate for those whose family members are perceived to have been disloyal to the regime. Six of his relatives died from hunger and illness, including his mother and four of his siblings.

Jang says the only way he can cope with the guilt is by committing his thoughts to pen and paper.

"Whenever I think of my family, it is too painful for me, so I decided to write. I believe that is now the only way that I can make it up to them.

But he is comforted that his decision to leave North Korea gave his wife new opportunities. He has heard that she has remarried.

"I always thought she was very talented, so I feel so happy for her."

And he says he is looking forward to expanding his horizons once the coronavirus lockdown eases and wants to visit Washington - half an hour's drive away - with Min-Su.

"I heard that there are many gay bars there. I want to go to those bars with him."

In the meantime, he says he is enjoying the serenity of the suburbs, which he describes as like being in a "fairytale".

We have given Min-su an assumed name, at his request